Thoughts on Surrender

From a couple of months ago....


When I  think of  life directly around me, the part that you can see or feel along with me is calm and what I call "normal".If I dare to be vulnerable and let you see a bit of what is going on inside you may see something a bit differently.
If you could see my heart and read my mind you would see the struggle that I am having .Well, not sure I can actually call it a "struggle" but more like a debate with myself of sorts.
The debate around one word.
It's a word that is a verb.
It's an action.
but yet,
at the same time it's a state of rest.

 I have thought about this word more in the last week than I did (I believe) all my life.
Not that I have not had to surrender anything.I just was never at the point that I am now with that word.

Surrender.
I wonder....
What does that mean to me?
What does that mean for me?
Does it look the same in every one's life?
To be honest, I realize that I often think that when I surrender I am going to be asked to do what I don't want to. I will be miserably stuck.Yes, that is a negative thought -maybe even warped and wrong but hey I said I was going to be vulnerable! Don't give up on me -keep reading ....

Let's start somewhere
First , what is the dictionary meaning of the word? Here it is, thanks to (http://www.thefreedictionary.com)


sur·ren·der  (s-rndr)

v. sur·ren·dered, sur·ren·der·ing, sur·ren·ders

v.tr.

1. To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.

2. To give up in favor of another.

3. To give up or give back (something that has been granted): 

4. To give up or abandon: 

5. To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: 

 I look at each definition and relate it to my relationship to God .
I pick it apart.
Process it.
Analyze.
Think think think.


God does not DEMAND me to relinquish control.He is so incredibly patient and loving with me . I imagine him waiting for me to simply see that it's the better choice,showing me,teaching me  but yet not FORCING me. He allows me to choose.
Than, I see the word "compulsion" in definition one - "An irresistible impulse to act, regardless of the rationality of the motivation" . 


If I am truly immersed and  overcome with who God is.When I see evidence of Christ at work .My reaction should be as one of  compulsion to fall on my face and say  "Anything and all for you. Where do you want me?" I imagine myself like the the disciples dropping their nets and following. What do I need to drop?

Than reality hits and I begin to 2nd guess and think about life and all the normality's that go with it. Life happens. 

The disciples dropped their nets in an instant to follow Jesus. Later, I read in John 21 how they were out fishing again . Although  "life" changed as they knew they it, they were still fishermen. I believe their focus changed. 
In John 21 After a big catch and a breakfast of fish Jesus asked Peter , "Do you love me more than these?"  I wonder what Jesus meant by "these" ? Fish? Maybe. Do I love __________ more than Jesus? (fill in the blank)

How does surrender look in my day to day? Like the disciples, I need to change my focus. Whatever it is that I do it's not about me or for me. All For Jesus....

Be blessed today!