Being me

Why is it so difficult to accept sometimes who “me” is. Meaning You, and me. You thinking who you are and me who me is. I ,this morning am feeling a bit overwhelmed by so much. My mind is going in so many directions ,excitement over a new venture, the normal life of trying to find a new job and than I am wanting to take the easy road, say “STOP everything!” . I know this new venture for me is putting myself and what I think about and what I love out there for anyone who wants to see and I than begin the worry fit….I Know it is not God putting those worries into my heart. My mind is churning around like the load in my dryer right now…Like I said I know it’s not God -it’s that horrible “being” that does not want anyone to be blessed by another…he only finds glee-(I refuse to use the word happiness when talking about the devil himself) in the miserable-ness of humans. Anyway ,why am I giving him so much room on my blog post anyway -so lets move on…

I am aspiring to use the gifts God has blessed me with. I have asked a few lovely ladies from church to help in this venture since I have tendencies to become overwhelmed before the project even begins-hence my agitated thinking patterns this morning. They so readily agreed we met at Panera Bread and the ball started to roll! Whew…I came home charged and ready for the Holy Spirit to move within me and START now! Than, as I lay in bed the worry thoughts began. Today I go back and forth with “maybe this is all too fast…maybe I should wait and see” …I begin to browse (I guess that is what it’s called) other blogs and see how beautiful, well known and organized they are. I begin to imagine these other faithful bloggers have a life of pure perfect lives that are interesting to blog about. I am just a simple, plain literally an X- Amish girl who lives a rather normal Sunday to Sunday life ,loves God and hope(notice Hopes) to get a ministry started to help other woman out of this slump that I have basically created for myself this morning…Am I really anyone? Does my life really merit more than the norm? O boy….Here we go a full circle and than I pray LORD…HELP!

God made me, me and you ,you…sometimes it’s so hard to see ourselves succeed. But, when that is our praise back to God- when we receive joyfully what he’s given and return it back to him…There it is…that’s my final answer. It’s about God and not about me. When my focus gets so inward than is when the trouble starts.

I today will return to God what he has given me packaged as beautifully as I can in praise to him.